Sunday, December 25, 2011

Somewhere far away



“...it feels like you want to travel away from where you belong; somewhere where nobody knows who you are. A place somewhere that no one knows.”

I’ve decided to be away from every social network I have and stick with my blog since this is the only place where I feel safe enough to express my feeling. Everything about my personal life has turned into something complicated now. I don’t want to make it even more complicated by posting it randomly. Hence, I’ve decided to let the feeling go here, in this blog. There are a few things that my head can’t stop questioning and I can’t sleep thinking about it. Even worse, I cry myself to sleep.

Let me take a deep breath.

This ugly feeling, it feels like you want to travel away from where you belong; somewhere where nobody knows who you are. A place somewhere that no one knows. It’s too hard to express it by words. It’s just too hard. I’ve packed it all in my head but I couldn’t express it any better. Forgive me, dear heart. I have to burden you with all these. I know this is a test. Deep down inside I don’t want to feel this way. But I’m only human. Sometimes I keep too much, and I end up crying all night long. It’s like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.

Whenever I cry, I tell myself; “this is life, Ieka. We can’t always have the sun shining every day. You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain. Someday you’ll taste the feeling of happiness again. Allah has a better plan for you. Stop crying and be thankful to Him.”





Saturday, December 24, 2011

Patience



“...And the most important thing I’ve learned is to never hurt your parents feelings because in life we need the blessings of our parents in everything we do...”


Well, it's been a very long time now. I didn't write much these days. After all, I really miss the feeling of expressing every thought that I have in mind. For some people, they might think that writing is easy, but for me it isn’t. I must say that I miss all the fun that I had here in this blog. I love to write. First and foremost, forgive me for any of my grammatical errors in this post. Life for me, as for now, not much of an adventure. I’ve been spending half of the year doing nothing. I miss studying. I miss all the chaotic life I had as a student. I tend to be a little bit jealous looking at those who’d finished their first semester. I’ve been waiting for the offer letter almost six months now. And I have to admit that I had almost given up. To be honest, I didn’t get accepted to enter my dream university. I was rejected. I should’ve known it better, but I was putting too much hope instead of putting too much effort. Six months of a very painful waiting, I began to realize that this isn’t just about a-painful-waiting. I’ve learned a lot; I’ve learned to be more patient. I’ve learned to rely on Allah. I’ve learned that in order to achieve what I want; I have to put in extra effort. I’ve learned to accept the fact that sometimes we cannot always have what we want no matter how much we’ve tried. Sometimes, things happen for a reason and if Allah wills it, it will happen. I’ve also learned a valuable lesson from my own mistake, do not delay things that you’ve intended to do. And the most important thing I’ve learned is to never hurt your parents feelings because in life we need the blessings of our parents in everything we do. Please, take whatever I've shared here as lessons of a lifetime. I believe that Allah has a better plan for me. Maybe even better than what I have in mind, even greater than my plan. Maybe someday I will fulfill my dream, but not now. Whatever the reason is, Allah knows what’s best for me. For now, yes, I am still trying, but this time, I leave everything in Allah’s hands. Again, if Allah wills it, it will happen. I pray for the best. Amin.