Sunday, October 16, 2016

Love Unconditionally

“One day, you will be grateful for the things that didn’t work out as what you wished or planned for. He knows better.”

Easily attached.
Now I finally understand why it was hard for me to let a man enter my heart, why I treated any man who tries to get to know me coldly. Before this, I used to be the girl who would easily get attached to someone and love unconditionally.

You see, the thing about a girl who gets attached too quickly is once she gets attached, she is loyal, she is committed, she is honest, she is faithful, she is dependable, she is caring. But you know what comes with that? She is jealous, she is clingy, she is annoying, she is emotional, she is crazy. You could push her away, but she will still come back to you. You could piss her off, but she can never stay mad at you. You could lie to her, but she will still try to trust you. You could keep making mistakes, but she will forgive you over and over again. You could make her hate you, but she will start loving you all over again.

I was that girl and maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why I couldn't easily move on.
I was heartbroken and started to change to a point where I can no longer tell how it feels like to be in love again. To a point where saying the word sayang gives me chills, or even I love you. I didn't realise that my heart becomes hardened and I've turned into a cold-hearted person. For years, I've closed my heart down. I didn't want to get hurt again, didn't even want to try. So I turned myself to ice and stone, said I don't need anyone, and nobody else would ever make me cry.

But I was wrong for doing that.
All those years of shutting down my heart, I didn't realise that I've met and known wonderful men in my life but I couldn't love because of what I did to myself. I pushed them away from me, kept making excuses of why things didn't work. I was blind.

The lessons.
No matter how cold I was, I still carry hope in my heart. The only thing I didn't realise was the hope that I've been carrying was unrealistic.

I spent years trying to find a man who deserves the place in my heart. I prayed with all my heart to meet him and convinced myself that this is going to be worth it. But all this time, I didn’t realise that it was me who’s not yet ready to move forward. Only recently I realised, I was so into admiring the good side of a person till I forgot that everyone has their flaws. That in reality, nobody is perfect.

Love is more than that.
Love is also about accepting the flaws of the person we love. It is only when you have learned to value the person’s imperfections that you’ll be able to love unconditionally.

Another thing I've learned from all these years is that you don't have to spend years trying to find someone who meets the criteria you like just because you think those things will make you happy. In fact, accept that person for who he (or she) is, and show how much he (or she) means to you. The more you give and show your love towards that person, the more happier you'll become. It's not about how much you receive, but how much love you put into giving.

Learning to appreciate.
One thing I didn't write on my previous post about turning a year older is that I began to realise my mistakes and I want to make a change in my life. So I decided to make peace with my past, forgive and forget about it, and start fresh. The good news is that I'm slowly starting to open up my heart again.

Learn to love unconditionally and you will leave a mark on someone's heart forever.

My goal now is to learn to appreciate the person I love, who also loves me, with all my heart. If I could achieve it, then it'd be my greatest achievement ever.

Friday, August 19, 2016

A year wiser

August 18th, 2016.

Before I begin writing, I ask Allah first and foremost to protect me from evil eye that comes from any form of jealousy or hatred. Ameen.

And I hope this post will benefit my readers too.

Alhamdulillah. Today marks the day of my 24th birthday. And of course, as I turn a year older, I hope also to turn a year wiser. Insha'Allah. Unlike the birthday celebrations I had in years past, I prefer to celebrate this birthday in a simplest way as it possibly could. Strangely when I turn into a young adult, I feel more comfortable to not expose myself more on social media than I did before. I thank Him for today, for allowing me to live this long because not everyone is as fortunate as us. Say alhamdulillah.

I made a lot of life-reflection lately. Contemplation. In fact, I always do this a few days before my birthday just to remind myself of how lucky I am to live this life. I've changed a lot since I came back to Malaysia and I've been through a lot too, emotionally. Therefore, it's important for me to do this reflection to help myself understand that despite what happened in life there are always positive things to be thankful for. And being me, I love to share this reflection to my readers.

Life itself is a lesson.
I was born and raised by two loving parents who had been through life adversity when they were young. I was never pampered by wealth, neither my siblings, when we were little. There were no Barbies or other expensive toys. For us, there was only imagination. I remember when my sister and I would grab video tapes and we would build a house from it. We'd use anything that for us would work as our dolls. I also remember when I was a toddler, my mother and I visited her friend's house. Her house was big. As I was walking into the house, I saw a big doll house. It was everything a little girl could dream of having! As much as I wanted that doll house, I understood my parents very well. We weren't rich but blessing alone was enough for us. So, I went home and continued playing the video tapes we had and built a house as big as we could.

That's my life, the part that was never written before.
But I wouldn't trade it with anything else.

It takes more than I want to... to achieve what you want.
I am forever grateful for having the parents I have today. Listening to their life stories has helped to keep my feet on the ground. And I'm thankful for having healthy grandparents who shares a lot about the struggles they had to go through during war time. It's important to remind yourself of who you are and to not let yourself get carried away with what the world has to offer.

My parents were born in a poor family. It was never easy for them to achieve what they have now. They never had a chance to further their studies abroad or bought a Mercedes Benz as their first car. But that's the beauty of life, that's when I learn to achieve something on my own and value it for the hard work that I put into to achieve it. I remember when my father told us about his university life. He had to borrow money from his uncle to help him go through uni. My late grandparents weren't rich. My late grandpa was a carpenter and his wife was a housewife. The only person he could depend on was his uncle. That fifty ringgit cash given by his uncle was for his one-month spending. And he wouldn't have done it if it wasn't because of his dream to change the life of his family. He was a responsible son and brother. Something that I look forward to in my future husband someday.

Dream of something and make it happen.
My cousin was a brilliant student and was offered to further her studies in Medicine in Russia. She was my inspiration. I wasn't sure of what I wanted to become in the future but one thing that I was so sure about was that I wanted to study abroad. I often dream of studying in a university abroad when I was a teenager. I'd do anything to achieve it. So, I took 13 subjects before finishing high school including science subjects, Arabic Language, The Studies of the Qur'an and Sunnah, The Islamic Law and Tasawwur Islam. I succeeded, had a chance to further my studies in Australia, and graduated with a degree in Psychology. When I look back at it now, I realise that I've always been a risk taker since then.

My life in Australia has taught me valuable lessons.
It was the best chapter in my life!

Good things come to those who wait.
Turning a year older also means that you are one step ahead towards a new life chapter. Remember when I said I've gone through a lot emotionally? Well, this is life. It's like a roller coaster, it has its ups and downs. But it's your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.

Many years have passed since my last relationship. Of course, I've been asked many times about relationship, marriage, boyfriend, et cetera. It gets to a point where my mother would try to match me with her friend's son. To me, relationship is precious and I want it to be special. I've always wanted to marry a man who can be a great father to my children but if now is not the right time, then I'll wait until the right time comes. I'm blessed to have a friend who understands me well.

Allah knows best. You deserve better and Allah is saving you for him,” she says.

I never made promises lightly. I mean it when I say I'll wait for the best one.
He knows best and I have faith in Him.
A great man is on his way.

Happy 24th birthday to myself.
A year older, a year wiser.

Good night.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

My Ramadhan

Ramadhan mubarak, everyone!
This Ramadhan is special to me because I finally get to take my beloved ones out for iftar at the hotel today.

I made the reservation about a couple of days ago for my family and friends. Sabah Oriental Hotel was one of our favourite places to break our fast when we were still in primary school. So since it means a lot to us (or just me lol), I decided to choose the same hotel for this occasion. And of course, I invited my friends to come along so that we can share the joy with them too!

It's been a year and four months since I started my business Pastels by Ieka Ahmad and I sincerely want to share with them what I have achieved so far. And nothing beats that feeling. Alhamdulillah. In fact, I would never be in this place without their supports. May Allah reward them. My business is progressing and slowly growing bigger at a time. Alhamdulillah. Just recently, we've signed a contract with a local boutique in Kota Kinabalu to join vendor and was also featured in Utusan Borneo a few weeks ago! No words can describe how grateful I am for this opportunity except alhamdulillah. As much as it sounds exciting, I can't wait to unfold the future and see what it has to offer for me. Insha'Allah.

Until next time!